Agents

Most people think that getting an agent ends their job search. After all, if an agent wants you, surely that means you're good enough to get another job, right?

Uh, no.

Welcome to the world of agents, where anyone and everyone can hang out a shingle and call himself or herself a representative.

Oh, you thought these people needed training, a special degree, and years of experience in order to qualify as an agent?

Uh, no.

I can post an announcement here tomorrow and declare myself an agent. (Don't even ask. Aint happening.)

At one end of the spectrum are great agencies and agents. People who truly believe in your talent and care about your career. People who stay with you long term because they see a great future for you.

And then there are those who sign everyone and anyone. Their main objective? Getting a commission. You're just a potential cash cow in their massive herd.

A good agent places calls like this on your behalf: "I know you're looking for a female anchor and your last one had a really quick wit. I've got someone similar who might be a good match with your male."

A bad anchor dubs off every tape of every client, shoves them in a box, and mails the whole thing to a ND with this note: "Here are my clients. If you're interested in any of them, give me a call."

A good agent returns calls and emails promptly.

A bad agent is someone you have to call because you never hear a damn thing for months.

A good agent is polite on the phone, to both you and News Directors.

A bad agent is rude, plays too much hardball and can cost you a job offer.

A good agent knows your talent and doesn't send you somewhere that you'll be playing out of position.

A bad agent doesn't care that you hate doing features and sends your tape out on a feature reporting job.

A good agent sends your tapes to places you'd like to work, and knows your geographic preferences.

A bad agent sends your tapes anywhere.

Here's the one thing you need to realize about agents. Any agent, good or bad, cannot wave a magic wand and get you a job. The stars still have to align for you, and it's your work, not the agent's, that closes the deal.

So if you think getting an agent will solve all your problems, think again.

It depends on the agent.

But, bottom line, it really depends on you.

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Prayer to Saint Patrick: Please drive the snakes out of our business

You don't have to read a Harry Potter book to visit Slytherin house. It's alive and well in the television news industry. Over the years I've run into plenty of managers and co-workers who could play Lord Voldemort without needing a script.

What constantly amazes me about this is the fact that the snakes in the business seem to only bite those on their own news team. I worked in one shop where I could hear the knives flying the minute I turned my back.

If you have a human being for a News Director count your blessings. If you have supportive co-workers who can be thought of as true friends, you're very lucky.

But sadly, in most organizations, you'll run into a snake who either wants you to quit, wants your job, or wants to prevent you from getting a promotion. There are strategies for dealing with snakes, but we must first separate them into species. (Call it the news version of the Sorting Hat.)


-The anchor-wannabe snake in the grass: This reptile generally slithers around the newsroom, waiting patiently in the high grass for an anchor opening to occur. In the meantime, said snake will deftly spread gossip about any other possible anchor candidates, dropping a line here or there to management about people being lazy, being negative about the company, or making a mistake in a story.

The strategy: Ignore this snake and resist the impulse to fire gossip back in its direction. Be the good soldier and always volunteer to pitch in, work a holiday, come in without being called during a big breaking story. Trust me, the ND will notice that more than idle gossip. When things are dead even talentwise, the team player will have the edge for a promotion.


-The management power trip snake: One of the toughest things about being a manager is having to make decisions that can seriously change people's lives. One promotion, one shot at the anchor desk, one chance at a reporter's gig can launch a career. When you make a decision that turns out well it truly warms your heart. Sadly, said power can often go to the head of managers, many of whom are jealous of those who have on-air careers. Power is a great afrodisiac, and can be a huge turn-on to those who have no life outside the station. You may be the victim of constant cutting remarks, a string of bad assignments, or a permanent spot in the station doghouse.

The strategy: This snake relishes getting under the skin of employees and gaining the upper hand. You need to take a "whatever" attitude, ignore the comments or bad assignments, and continue to do a great job so that you can get the hell out of Dodge. That's the ultimate "last laugh."


-The young producer power trip snake: Ah, the power trip rears its ugly head again. This is a very common variety of snake, as young producers are very susceptible to the clout monster that comes with the territory. Ordering veteran reporters or photogs like a bunch of soldiers is a rush to these people, who then simply don't understand why everyone in the newsroom hates them.

The strategy: See these people for what they truly are. Reporters and photogs may have to operate under time constraints, but you guys still have control over what goes into your final product. When you realize that you're the ones really in change, the producer snakes become paper tigers.


As in the wild, it is best to leave a snake alone and ignore it. Worry about your own career, and resist the temptation to be sucked into their web of deceit. They only have power if you give it to them.

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Station research

Grape,

I overheard my ND talk about "current research" being done on our anchors. What does that mean?


Well, tucked away secretly in that government vault we saw at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" are surveys your station has taken.

About you.

Yep, that stuff is classified, right along with the current location of aliens that landed at Roswell and the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa.

Call them "Q" ratings or "station research" or whatever, they are fancy pie charts or bar graphs that tell a station how you are perceived in the community.

When you're in management, you'll hear stuff like, "Our research shows she's very popular and well liked by young women." Or "He doesn't do well in research. Maybe we should replace him."

Most station research is done by consultants or firms that specialize in such things.

Let's say you're a main anchor and your station wants to know what the viewers think of you. Someone will get a call and hear questions like this:

"Do you recognize the name Barbie Fembot?"

If the caller says yes, they'll get this question:

"Do you like Barbie Fembot?"

Other questions regarding credibility and other such qualities will follow. Then the magical pie charts will appear on a manager's desk. The chart might say that while 80 percent of viewers recognize the name Barbie Fembot, only 40 percent of those like her.

So our anchor would have "high negatives." If most of the people who recognized Barbie liked her, she'd be someone who "tests high in research."

Then you have the focus groups. I've actually been in a few of these in regard to entertainment pilots. You're given a little wheel like a teleprompter control, and told to turn it one way if you like what you're seeing and another if you don't. The more you turn it, the more you like or dislike the current video.

What does all this mean to you? Well, viewer opinions are important. Even if ratings are great, viewers may not like a certain member of a news team. This type of research gives a station information that goes beyond basic Nielsen numbers.


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Tornado chasing: my kingdom for a giant flashlight

In my network "jump and go" kit I've got everything from trail mix to mud boots, from rain slickers to instant coffee. I thought I had everything for every possible contingency.

And this week I realized I didn't have one simple thing.

So the network sends me out Wednesday night to look for a live shot location with a ton of tornado damage. It's the middle of the night and, as is the case with most tornado stories, most streetlights are out.

So I'm driving around, trying to angle my high beams on various scenes of destruction. The only thing going through my mind is, "I sure wish I had one of those giant flashlights that cops and taxi drivers have."

I guess my prayers were answered as I'd just gotten my Ash Wednesday ashes, since a police car was headed in my direction. I flagged it down and two very nice officers took me on a damage tour, shining their giant flashlight on homes and downed trees. They helped me find a good location, and when the sun came up, it was clear we'd found the right place. And they say there's never a cop around when you need one.

So you can add the "giant flashlight" to your list of things you need in the trunk of your car.


-Travel note that has nothing to do with television: What's with this latest trend of hotels trying to outdo themselves with the number of pillows on a bed? For years every hotel bed had two pillows, just like you have at home. But noooo... now we have to be trendy and have four, five, six, even seven smaller pillows.

It looks great until you go to sleep, and when you roll over your head flops between two of the mini-pillows.

I love having coffee machines in hotel rooms. Steam irons are a great idea. But please, can we go back to just having two pillows?


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Napalming a bridge: before and after

This week we're getting a unique look at what can happen when you not only burn a bridge, but nuke it down to the molecular level. And this week we're actually seeing the burning and the aftermath, through the actions of two people.

I'm talking about Charlie Sheen and Tiki Barber, the former Giants star who announced yesterday that he wants to return to the NFL after four years away from the game.

Sheen, of course, needs no further explanation here. We're seeing firsthand a man who seems hell bent on destroying his career by trashing his employers and co-workers. There has been a lot of analysis as to whether or not Sheen will ever work again in Hollywood. Time will tell.

But we're seeing what could be the answer in the case of Tiki Barber. For those of you who aren't sports fans, Barber is the guy who played ten years for the Giants and was never shy with his feelings about the coach or teammates. (The fact that the Giants won the Super Bowl the year after he left speaks volumes.) Barber came off as very smart while he was a player, and dipped his toe into broadcasting with Fox News. When he retired, he scored a gig with the Today Show and was a featured player on NBC's Football Night in America. The sky seemed to be the limit, and many thought he'd be the next Frank Gifford.

Then Tiki Barber started throwing bombs, much like Charlie Sheen is doing now. He ripped his coach, his old quarterback, his team. He was removed from the football show. Then he had a well publicized affair with an intern while his wife was eight months pregnant. Not a great move for someone on a show with huge female audience. He was let go by the network and basically became a pariah.

When the Giants opened their new stadium this past fall, Barber was the only former player booed.

Everyone assumes that he's trying to make a comeback since he doesn't have much of an income, has four children to support, and will probably get cleaned out by his ex-wife.

Here's a guy who was a football star in the world's biggest market and had the world by the tail. He can turn around, but there are no bridges left to cross since he's burned them all. When he announced he was unretiring, the Giants waited about a nanosecond before announcing they had no interest in bringing him back.

So you don't need to wait to see what happens with Charlie Sheen. Burned bridges are pretty much the same, regardless of who lights the fuse. You're watching it happen with one person and seeing the results with another.

At some point in your career you will hate a job, or a supervisor, or a co-worker. While burning a bridge might give you instant gratification, it's best to just leave the bridge standing and move forward.

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