More package repair

In keeping with the spirit of the season, a super bowl package....


I was hoping I'd have more NAT breaks at an appliance store like this, but everything came out garbled. (A lot of different tvs with different channels on at once, and the radio music blaring in the background)

How can I salvage this for the future?

ANCHOR INTRO
CHANCES ARE YOU'LL BE INDOORS SUNDAY... WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL.

AND WE FOUND OUT SOME OF YOU WILL BE WATCHING "IN STYLE."

HERE'S SUSIE REPORTER.


TAKE PKG

TIME IS RUNNING OUT.

WITH ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT UNTIL THE SUPER BOWL...

FOOTBALL FANS ARE MAKING ONE LAST BIG PURCHASE.

NATS: Carlos walking along aisle, says "Probably around a 50 inch, a 52 inch..."23:42-44


CARLOS HIGADERA SPENT THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS LOOKING AROUND AT STORES LIKE PAT GOFF'S...

*CHECKING OUT THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS...

FOR THE PERFECT BIG SCREEN T-V.

CARLOS SOUND BYTE: "I've been shopping around, like Walmart and stuff like that. As long as I get it before Sunday!"

STANDUP: "But managers say you need to act fast. While normally their shelves would be filled with tvs.. They're empty now! Here would be a tv... Here would be a tv... And even some on display are already sold."

SOUNDBYTE: Reporter: "What are you expecting by Super bowl Sunday?" JEFF: "Probably to have no tvs on the floor."

MANAGER JEFF BEEMAN SAYS SO MANY SHOPPERS HAVE BEEN RUSHING IN... WORKERS HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TAKE SOME OF THE T-V'S ON THESE SHELVES OUT OF THEIR BOXES.

JEFF SOUND BYTE: We usually carry probably 60 truckloads of tvs... 60 or 70 tvs or more, and right now I'm probably down to about 15 tv's total."

AND THAT'S WITH AN EXTRA 20 TVS SHIPPED IN THIS WEEK.

NATS Jeff walking along aisle and pointing at tvs "There are some 46 inch goods here, 52 inch goods here, a 47 inch."

EVEN WITH A SLUMPING ECONOMY... JEFF SAYS HE'S NOT SURPRISED ABOUT THE BIG SALES.
BECAUSE AS LONG AS IT'S JANUARY... AND AS LONG AS THERE'S FOOTBALL FANS LIKE CARLOS...

CARLOS SOUND BYTE: "Yea despite it, I mean, it's superbowl! It's only once a year!"

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A NEED... FOR A BIG SCREEN TV.
SIGOUT



SHOT LIST

Shot of store's Countdown clock to the SuperBowl

Wide shot of football helmets hanging on wall

Close up shot of pittsburgh steelers helmet

Close up shot of arizona cardinals helmet

Close up shot of flashing light fixture that says "Check Out This Week's Specials"

Closeups of Big screen tvs

Wide Shot of TV aisle

Medium shot, depth perception of TV aisle

TV's in boxes sitting on shelves

walking down aisle with Carlos, Carlos looking at price tags

walking down aisle with Jeff, Jeff lifting one big screen tv


SOT LIST

JEFF:
3:01 "About usually two weeks before Super Bowl. When people get the urge once the final playoffs and the stage is set as to who is going to play., that's when the urge comes in when people want a big TV. 3:10

3:23 We usually carry probably 60 truckloads of tvs... 60 or 70 tvs or more, and right now I'm probably down to about 15 tv's total. 3:33

3:36 As you can see, there are quite a few holes in this building. Only for the simple reason we sell people tvs and they want it, we deliver it same day. 3:41

3:46 Right now, we're a little shy, we got two more days before selling time, thursday friday and saturday and we will probably sell some tv's on Sunday morning. 3:54

4:15 The last couple weeks we've been averaging probably 5 or 6 tvs a day, probably more. Some days three or four, but probably minimum four a day. 22 And that's kind of nice. 24

4:55 Every year about this time we probably have a bigger january than we do december, because of tv sets. 5:01

6:11 That's all we have left right now, are some of the bigger sets. Matter of fact, we just got those in two days ago. 6:15

6:27 SUSIE: What are you expecting by Super bowl sunday? JEFF: Probably to have no tvs on the floor. 33.

Now I don't have a lot more else to show you, because as per our discussion earlier, everything else is sold. 11:51

NATS LIST

Jeff walking down the aisle, "There are some 46 inch goods here, 52 inch goods here, a 47 inch."

Carlos walking down the aisle, "Probably around a 50 inch, a 52 inch..."



Okay, Susie, not too bad, but you missed a lot of opportunities. There were plenty of nats available, you just didn't know where to look for them. Cash registers are a no-brainer in any retail store. And you could have asked the store manager to turn down all the sets but one, or put them all on the same channel. You can also grab some file tape of a recent playoff game, which will give you a quick pop. And some delivery guy wheeling a TV out to the parking lot or into a truck would be a nice way to end the package.

The lead-in looks like a throwaway... in other words, not much effort there. This is a fun package, so have fun with it.

"You're probably tired of hearing about the digital switch coming up in a few weeks... well, some people are switching out their television sets for a very different reason. And the federal government doesn't even have a coupon for it. Susie Reporter has more."

While the writing in the package was decent you could have used a few football terms to turn a phrase. "It's fourth and long if you're looking for a big screen TV in time for Sunday's game," or "Some people feel that watching a football game on a small television set is like being in the nosebleed section of your living room." And if you had one more nat like the cash register, you could have done something like this:

VOICEOVER/Man watching big screen: "They're checking them out...

Nat/Cash register

VOICEOVER/Man paying for TV: "Before they check them out...

Having good nats can take a package to an entirely different level. Just try to be in tune with your surroundings, and eventually you'll learn to "spot" those sounds that can make putting a package together a lot easier.