Package repair, part deux

OK, this one illustrates the basic problem a lot of you are having with single source sound bites. I see this all the time from entry level reporters.

Here's the original:

LEAD IN: The County will open its brand new Humane Society building next week. The million dollar facility will replace the run down building that now serves as a home for many animals waiting for adoption. Jane Doe takes us on a tour.

VOICEOVER: Next week at this time these empty cages will be filled with cats and dogs looking for a new home. The new Humane Society building has been a long time coming, but agency Director Terri Hawks says it's been worth the wait.

SOUND BITE Hawks: It's just beautiful, and more importantly, it's clean and warm. The heater at the old facility is very temperamental. Lots of times we'd show up in the morning and it would be really cold inside.

VOICEOVER: The energy efficient system will take care of that problem. But the big plus about this facility is the operating room. Some local vets will donate their services to spay and neuter pets put up for a adoption right at the new building.

SOUND BITE Hawks: It's a lot easier to adopt out pets when people know they won't have a big vet bill waiting for them.

STANDUP: The new facility has twice as much room for animals as the old place. And the cages are a lot bigger, so dogs and cats will have more room to move around.

SOUND BITE Hawks: It's really going to be much more comfortable for the animals. They can get stressed out when they're too close together, or don't have enough room.

Jane Doe, Action News

Shot Sheet:

Several shots of cages, exterior building, sign in front of building, various shots of interior, operating room, stacks of pet food, medicine cabinet.

No Nat sound (sorry, there weren't any animals.)



OK, Jane, you're entitled to rookie mistakes, so make them now before you move on.

I'm not going to re-write this package, because I can't save it. Instead, I want you to re-think your approach to the story.

Let's see... the story is about a facility for dogs and cats. So the video I just might like to see is... (anybody? C'mon, raise your hand)... dogs and cats.

Several big problems here. You needed to go to the old facility and show how bad it is. You could have picked up some animal video there, even held a pet for your standup. Show a volunteer wearing a coat indoors to show how cold it is. You would have had plenty of nat sound... dogs barking, cats meowing, pets getting fed, people looking for a pet or dropping one off.

The other big problem is that you took the lazy approach and only talked to one person... oh no, it's the single source sound bite. You could have talked to a volunteer, a vet donating his time, someone looking for a pet. Put the camera inside a cage and even get the animal's point of view as people walk by and check out the creatures.

Remember, get as many points of view as possible. Look for the different angle. Talk to more than one person. Show, don't tell.

More package repairs are coming. If you've sent one I haven't forgotten you.