Television news & romance: often oil and water

Tomorrow I'll be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. And I've only been married once. Not many people in this business can make that claim.

Sadly, I know scores of news people with multiple ex-wives or husbands, alimony and child support problems, courtroom custody battles, and other sources of stress resulting from a bad choice at the altar. I'll never forget working with one single reporter who was making a good salary yet was always broke. The reason? Three child support payments to three different ex-wives. Yikes.

So I thought you guys might find some advice useful regarding the other part of your life away from the newsroom. In no particular order, here are some things you need to know:

-Marrying someone else in the news business is risky. Sure, you have the same common interests, but here's what usually happens; one person is more talented than the other. The talented one gets the job offer in the big market, the other half can't get arrested. The talented one turns down the offer and gets bitter. Jealousy rears its ugly head, or is always the underlying current in the relationship. I've seen this happen a few times, with couples stuck in markets they desperately want to leave. It's hard enough for one person to find a job, but for a couple it's next to impossible.

-Your spouse should be someone whose job is easily transferable. Teacher, nurse, salesman, stuff like that. Any career in which the spouse can find work anywhere.

-If you're a woman on the air, and your on-air name is different than your married name, your husband better get used to you being the star. If you're Jane Jones and your hubby is John Smith, watch his reaction when people call him "Mr. Jones."

-Children are not an "accessory." Sure, we all want the big house, nice cars, money to go on terrific vacations. For some reason people think they're "supposed to" have children. I've seen too many kids become pawns in custody battles. If you get married, wait a while. Make absolutely sure the person you marry is someone you're going to stay with, and be positive you want to have children for the right reasons. By the way, having a child doesn't improve a strained relationship, it just makes it worse. And nothing rips a kid's heart out more than watching his parents split up.

-And on the subject of kids, if you're a woman totally committed to a career and you have that first kid, don't be surprised if you chuck it all to do the mommy thing. I've seen that happen lots of times. Nothing wrong with it, just be prepared.

-Don't marry young. When you're single and in your 20's, your life should be like an episode of "Friends." Cherish these times, because they're never coming back.

-Marry someone who understands the demands of your career. If your significant other doesn't "get" why you have to work weekends, holidays, overnights or during hurricanes when the world is evacuating, you're headed for trouble.

I'll never forget the young newlywed reporter who had to stay late one evening. Her husband called and yelled at the anchor who picked up the phone. "Why is it seven o'clock and my wife isn't home with dinner on the table?"

-The holiday trade. If you're in this business, chances are you're not working in your hometown. And your spouse probably isn't there either. So when the holidays roll around, you're heading to the airport. You then have to deal with the "every other year" deal on whose family you'll spend the holidays with. Throw in the monkey wrench of having to work holidays and you can see this can be stressful.

-Money. Learn to manage it and save for retirement before you get hitched.

-Be ready to deal with the fact that it might be a long time before you put down roots. As I look back my good friends are all over the country. The closest one is two hours away. That is the biggest downside to this career. Even if you stay in one place, those you grow closest to will move away.

-Marry a saint. I did.