Sometimes you're home and don't even know it

Since I got so many emails in response to yesterday's post, I thought I'd continue on the psychological aspects of working in the business.

I guess it hit me about five years ago when I was looking to change cell phone companies. The young lady at the store was explaining calling plans, and asked me what percentage of my calls would be local.

"None," I said. She gave me a puzzled look. "My friends and family are all out of state," I said.

And then I realized that all the important people in my life were scattered to the winds, victims of the nomadic lifestyle we lead in this business.

Several years ago some psychologist did a stress study about major life changes, and found that moving was right up there with having a loved one die. We're not only talking about the hassles of packing and traveling cross country with a cat, but the aspects of leaving behind what has become comfortable.

Gardeners will tell you it takes three years for something that is transplanted to get comfortable with its new surroundings. "The first year it sleeps, the second year it creeps, the third year it leaps."

So when you move, you are, in effect, ripping out the roots you've put down. You arrive at your new job all energized and ready to conquer the world, until the first weekend rolls around and you're alone with the four walls of your apartment. For those married with children, you can take the stress up a notch, as moving family members, especially kids, is not easy. (I'm not going to even get into what it's like driving a thousand miles with a howling Siamese cat.)

I recently spent time with someone who has reached a very nice market. This person is happy, challenged, works for a good company and likes the city. Many of her friends live there. The ND likes her work. While she has network quality talent, there's nothing wrong with her life.

So she's decided to stay.

I've said it before. Comfortable is the new black.

Sometimes reaching the top has nothing to do with your paycheck or market size. Sometimes moving to what you think is a better situation can actually make things worse.

Obviously most of you don't want to stay in starter markets making peanuts, and that's fine. But at some point you'll make a move and find your life hitting on all cylinders. It's at that point you need to consider putting the resume tapes in the closet instead of the mail, and making a real home for yourself.

Then you can actually talk to your friends in person instead of on the phone.