Today we're having breakfast with Eileen Left, a very talented young reporter in the process of job hunting. Eileen is a world class worrier, so we're going to try to get her to dial her stress level down a notch. Eileen has already arrived at the restaurant when I get there.
Grape: Hope I didn't keep you waiting.
Eileen: Been here an hour. I wanted to get here early. I mean, I could've had a flat tire, run out of gas, gotten stuck behind a funeral-
Grape: Been abducted by aliens...
Eileen: That too. And then, what would you think of me if I was late? I mean, you're The Grape, you're old school. Reporters don't miss deadlines.
Grape: Breakfast is not a deadline. Relax.
Eileen: I'll try.
The waitress arrives to take our order. As always, our interviews are done in New Jersey.
Waitress: (snapping her gum) Waddaya want, honey?
Eileen: Are the eggs cooked all the way through? And is the sausage kept at the appropriate safe temperature in the kitchen? I could get e-coli, trichinosis-
Waitress: I'll have the chef cook the hell out of whatever you want. He can nuke it down to the molecular level and you can spoon the ashes into your coffee.
Grape: Two ham and cheese omelets, two glasses of orange juice.
Eileen: Thank you.
The waitress writes the order on the pad and leaves.
Grape: So, tell me about your job hunt.
Eileen: Well, I've sent out fifty tapes. Of course, I'm not sure if they all arrived. I haven't gotten fifty phone calls. What if the post office lost some of them? What if the mailroom boy at the station sent my tape to the wrong person?
Grape: I'm sure they arrived just fine.
Eileen: It's the Post Office.
Grape: Point taken. So, any nibbles?
Eileen: I've had calls this week from four News Directors who love my work.
Eileen: And they said they'll get back to me soon. But what if the General Manager doesn't like me? What if another reporter with a better tape shows up. Maybe I should have put my bungee jumping accountant package first on my tape.
Grape: If they called you, they liked your tape. I've seen your tape, and it's great. You're immensely talented.
Eileen: Suppose they don't like my hair? Maybe I should have cut it.
Grape: Your hair looks great.
Eileen: You're a man. You're supposed to say that.
Grape: Point taken again. But your hair does look great.
Eileen: But they haven't called. Maybe they think I'm fat. Do these jeans--
Grape: Don't go there.
Eileen: I'm not pretty enough.
Grape: The bus boy just walked into a wall staring at you.
Eileen: So why haven't they called?
Grape: Any number of reasons. Saving money, can't make a decision, waiting for corporate approval on salary. Could be anything. But if you got four calls you're doing great. You'll be outta here in no time.
Eileen: But suppose none of them call? Suppose I never get out of Palookaville? I could end up a spinster reporter. I could-
Eileen's phone rings.
Eileen: Hello? Yes, this is Eileen. Oh, hello..... really? That sounds great! When do I start?
Eileen chats a little while then hangs up.
Grape: Job offer?
Eileen: Yeah! I accepted it. Great salary, great place to live. I need to be there in three weeks.
Grape: See, all that worry was for nothing.
Eileen: But what happens if I get there and they hate me? Or if I'm late for work on my first day....
TVNEWSGRAPEVINE, copyright 2011 © Randy Tatano