Saturday, July 13, 2013

Sharknado copy

It occurs to me that with all the talk about the scientific possibility of a "sharknado" that stations need copy should this phenomenon occur. If you're gonna run a crawl about this, you can't simply wing it.

So here's a template you can use should the skies start raining sharks. And remember, there's a difference between a sharknado watch and a sharknado warning. A watch means conditions are favorable for a sharknado, while a warning means that flying hammerheads have been spotted in your area.


The National Sharknado Service has issued a sharknado watch for the following counties. (Insert counties and duration of watch here.) Sharknadoes can produce heavy rain, thumping music with gradually increasing speed, and flying sharks which may or may not include great whites. Should a sharknado occur you are advised to take cover, stay indoors and throw any raw steaks back in the freezer. If you are on the water in something less than a twenty foot watercraft, you're gonna need a bigger boat.


The National Sharknado Service has issued a sharknado warning for the following counties. (Insert counties and duration of watch here.) A sharknado has been spotted in (location) and is currently moving (speed and direction.) Sharknadoes produce heavy rain, flying sharks, cheesy movies, and Discovery Channel photographers busy collecting b-roll for Shark Week. During the first moments of any sharknado, a teenage bimbo will be eaten. During the middle of the sharknado, a push-the-envelope reporter stupid enough to stand on the beach will be swallowed during a live shot and Tweet from the shark's stomach. During the final moments of any sharknado, the biggest, baddest shark will either explode or be electrocuted.


Viewers can get immediate warning that a sharknado is imminent by signing up for an alert. When a sharknado watch or warning is issued we will send a thirty second clip of the theme from Jaws to your cell phone. If you don't take cover by the end of the clip you're already dead. Viewers who already use this as their ring tone will be doomed.


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