Join the biased journalists club!

(I spotted this on late night cable, so I transcribed it for you guys...)


Tired of sending resume tapes out by the bushel and never getting a phone call? Frustrated seeing journalists who have less talent move up the ladder? Well, your worries are over because now you can throw your objectivity out the window and rise to the top!

All it takes is a simple phone call and you can be on your way to joining the biased journalists club!

That's right, even if you're right out of college, the biased journalist kit can take you a better market in no time. Our proven step-by-step program will help build a foundation for your new career. Within a few weeks you'll be incorporating some tried and true techniques like:

-Playing the "gotcha" game

-Twisting the meaning of a sound bite by taking it out of context

-Using key phrases like "embattled" or "under fire" to describe a candidate

-Lobbing more softballs than a beer league pitcher

-Shouting down your interview subject

-Asking the "no win" question

And, if you order now, you'll receive Rick Lenscap's "Photog's Guide to Sinister Lighting" which is guaranteed to make any candidate look like the crypt keeper.

Before long you'll be forcing your own point of view on unsuspecting viewers, who, according to consultants, have only a seventh grade education anyway. These people need your opinion!

Still not convinced? Listen to these testimonials...

"Just three days after buying the kit I mastered the "no win question" and asked the local Congressman, "When did you stop beating your wife?" I got the money shot from his reaction, and he isn't even married!"

"I work behind the scenes as an editor, so I thought I'd never be able to influence an election. But with the kit's editing techniques, I was soon able to still-frame a presidential candidate so that he looked constipated! It was the best over-the-shoulder graphic ever!"

"Rick Lenscap is a genius. I practiced his sinister lighting techniques the other day when we had to interview the winner of a beauty pageant. When I got through with her she looked like a vampire!"

Doesn't matter if you lean left or right politically, the biased journalists kit will help you exploit a candidate's weaknesses... or create them if none exist! You'll be able to identify non-issues in no time! And, since media bias has become a legitimate story, soon you'll be part of the media horde that covers itself. You'll never have to look for a real story again!

Don't delay, as election day is just around the corner!

But wait, there's more!

Order within the next ten minutes and you'll receive, free of charge, a list of political questions so obscure even Stephen Hawking couldn't answer them. If you're gonna play the gotcha game, you gotta come armed!

Operators are standing by!