Grape,
I can't believe I'm even thinking this about the career that I thought would be my life's work. But after two years my News Director has literally killed the joy of being a reporter. I'm actually having doubts about my career choice.
I love what I do, I just hate who I'm doing it for. I have to drag myself to work every day because I know I'll get yelled at no matter how good my story is. The ND will find something to find fault with my story; I could do 99 things out of 100 right in my story but he'll focus on the one thing I could have done differently. I've actually started looking at grad school or PR opportunities.
Is this common, or am I already burned out?
-Dejected
Dear Dejected,
I knew an assignment editor who used to say, "This would be a great business if if weren't for the people in it." Truer words were never spoken.
I've been in your position, as has just about everyone who has been in the business for any length of time. A bad manager can suck the joy out of your career like a vampire. And what makes it worse is that very often the people running newsrooms have never been on the street and don't have a creative bone in their bodies, so they have no concept of how we are wired.
You are not burned out, you are simply emotionally beat up. I know this simply by looking at the newest member of our family, a stray cat.
A few months ago my wife was on the way home and called to tell me she'd rescued an abandoned cat that was near death. She wasn't kidding; this was the sorriest cat I'd ever seen, so skinny you could feel the bones in her tail. Her ears were ripped and covered with blood, her green eyes deep pools of hurt. Armed with oven mitts we took her to the vet, gave her lots of food and nursed her back to health. My wife named her "Bella" which is Italian for "beautiful."
Those first few days Bella didn't trust us, but she knew we were the givers of food. The only opportunity to pet her was while she was eating. After each bite she would look up and around, as if some other animal was going to steal her food. Kind of like a reporter in a newsroom on the lookout for a mean News Director wondering, "Okay, what did I do wrong today?"
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people, and you'll have to be "rescued" by a good News Director. Even then it will take you awhile to trust because you've been beat up, just like Bella the cat.
Bella now purrs and comes to the door when she's called. The green eyes have cleared and are happy. She's learned how to be a pet again, and spends her day relaxing on the deck.
You'll learn how to be a happy reporter again, just hang in there till you're rescued. Besides, 24 is much too young to give up on a dream... and you can't let someone who doesn't understand dreams to kill yours.
Grape,
I have a buyout clause in my contract and a job offer coming. Is my station really going to make me pay? My ND is a nice guy and I can't see him playing hardball.
-Short Timer
Dear Short Timer,
A few years ago I knew a few people who had been let out of their contracts a few months early, but lately I'm hearing that stations are being real sticklers with contract issues. Your ND may be nice but he doesn't own the station. Get ready to write the check.
Grapevine,
Our ND is so paranoid about people making resume tapes that he has disabled every piece of equipment that can be used to dub stories. It is impossible to make a tape at work. What's a reporter to do?
-Stuck
Dear Stuck,
Ah, those paranoid managers with "resume tape sniffing dogs" are always entertaining. For some reason they think that throwing a few obstacles in the way will stop people from finding a new job. Ha. It only makes people look harder and leave faster.
You have several options, one of which includes asking a photog for help. Meanwhile, start taping or DVRing (is that a word?) your stories at home. Then invest in some computer editing software if your computer isn't already equipped. Dump the stuff onto the computer and start editing.
Then wear a really big smile when you hand in your resignation.
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